- HEADLINES: Complete and Total Surrender of Pittacus - Faggotry Ensues
- EDITORIAL “The Alt War dealt a blow to Imperialism.”
- TRADE US MineZ Trade Run
- PvP Drill 81st Mass PvP Event - Drahills with Thrills
- DOMESTIC Shrauger Gets Final Kill in the Alt War.
- DOMESTIC Greg1181 posts his manifesto - justifies everything the UTC has said
- DOMESTIC Rebuffed Fled Country, Wanted for Questioning
- DOMESTIC ExoticIce killed MellowPineapple in Thannus
- DOMESTIC Cyclone_43 chosen to be Chief of Staff of the Army of Observation
- ORDERS: *
ASPERMONT, W.L.- Pittacus has been forcibly rejoined into the UTC under terms given by Irishkaiser, which includes “the right to touch her dog” under threat of Irishkaiser asking her out for pizza together sometime in a text. I mean, if she wants… That is… Please respond.
Upon re-entering Company soil and Discord, her first question which was so severely retarded and filled with jelly that the UTC immediately voted to kick her out soon after acquiring her assets and everything by proxy.
Her bitch ass dumb ass question was
“So, how many girls did you hire when I left?”
To which the entire population all booed in disgust and retorted
“Ooooh come on. REALLY?”
“THAT’S YOUR FIRST QUESTION!?”
After Pittacus was kicked because of a different opinion or something, she tried to DDoS us all, cyclone especially. Nothing happened as of yet. Holy shit lol holy shit. Just holy fucking shit. SHIT HOLY XD
Irishkaiser - That Fantastic War that achieve so much for so very little has one draw back. It has disillusioned the majority of our members to the concept of Imperialism. The idea that we can share the benefits of the Company’s social, cultural, economic and military progress to the rest of the Shotbow Community.
We come in there spreading our ways and lo and behold what do we get. A bunch of trifling, shiftless, good for nothing premiums who just want their quick kicks for the day. Admins, prems and clans.
Holy fucking shit. Are you kidding us? It only fostered a superiority complex(which may be dangerous in the future) against the other groups. The interactions and unreliability of certain individuals and groups, who are part of the Secret Coalition and even our enemies who flip flop like motherfuckers…
But then again this is the largest experiment in anarchy in human history. The internet. Why would those people take responsibility or incriminate themselves? They always escape since there’s no actual law enforcement than the violence of popular consensus.
A new political movement or idea is taking place… I’ll coin it before anyone else does so we can have cool parliamentary political drama and shit. We’ll call them the Patriots, a movement that harks back to the traditional roots of the UTC, those who prioritize and emphasize non-intervention, not getting entangled in foreign affairs and hating the premium equally as much as the Imperials, who still tolerate them. PATRIOTS DON’T TOLERATE.
SO ARE YOU AN IMPERIAL OR A PATRIOT?
Yes, I’m inventing something that doesn’t exist… Yet, anyway. So what? Sue me, Suomi.
The Directory proudly announces that it has delivered:
1 Chain Sets
1 Iron Sword
1 Iron Axe
1 Iron Armor Set
1 Infinity Bows
1 Diamond Sword
in exchange for
20 Health Potions
A Trade Run that started out with a rather unexpected(as should be expected in any battlefield) death of Irishkaiser by a grenade shot. Irishkaiser shamed himself because he was in a hybrid combat/merchant inventory, thus making him very capable of killing the two attackers. His excuse was, he saw that he had 6 hearts still and + 1 extra golden apple buff before being killed by a single grenade. An inquiry is being done as to why the grenades did 6 hearts + damage.
HOWEVER, THIS ENRAGED 1ER REGIMENTAL MCKENNA. WHO WAS FILLED WITH A HEART OF VENGEANCE FOR SEEING HER DEAR REGIMENTAL CAPTAIN FALLEN. SHE SUMMONED THE CELTIC FURY OF TEN-THOUSAND GAELS AND PICTS AND FOUGHT SAVAGELY AGAINST TWICE HER NUMBER.
Irishkaiser was so ashamed of what the actual fuck just happened and did 20 push ups rather than 10.
The Trade Run went to Portsmouth and sold out there. Nothing specialu, but Irishkaiser tried a new method of deploying troops. The UTC felt it was “weird”, but you shouldn’t feel comfortable in any battlefield. God, I’m always in a battlefield.
234th Drills only one recorded. 1st Regiment spars not recorded. 93rd Drills, Gun is unavailable.
Former Company Member Rebuffed left the UNKNOWN [?] Trading Company before local authorities threw out a warrant to investigate his “weird” behavior among female members of the UTC, which involves calling them by their first name whenever he can(I shit you not) and then… Sending weird private messages to said female members(sans the ones with boyfriends in the clan) that are… Un-becoming of the stern, stoic and sexually-repressed Company Member.
Irishkaiser noticed this a day before he left and questioned certain members who responded to the investigator in the positive. Irishkaiser was about to confront Rebuffed, whom he called out the day before. Unfortunately, Aspermont’s Finest was late as he posted his resignation, left and of course holy fucking shit… I cannot believe this…
TURNED HIS STATUS INTO PLAYING WITH KATTY_SHOT_666
Taunting local authorities who were late and couldn’t do anything because he was removed from the sphere of influence.
THE UTC’S REASON TO SUPPRESS HIS WEIRD BEHAVIOR WAS TO PROMOTE GENDER-EQUAL CAMARADERIE AND THAT WE SHOULDN’T TREAT ANYONE SPECIAL OR SOME SHIT, NOT TO WHITE KNIGHT AND PROTECT LE GIRL GAMERS. HE NEVER CALLED ANY MALE PLAYERS BY THEIR NAMES. HE NEVER CALLED GUN NICK, YAKUZA JOSH, OR EVEN ME AS TOBIAS EZEKIEL JEREMIAH DUMAS. MY FIRST NAME.
UTC IS NO WHITE KNIGHT. UTC IS NO WHITE KNIiiiiiiight
Another one bites the dust… They later threatened to DDoS him or some shit.
As his first operation, he found it morally satisfying to attack Dawn Brigade for all past insults, side switching and something about personal vendetta or whatever.
The government raised no objections because of Dawn Brigade’s bullshit conduct. It is politically impossible, as of this moment to get Irishkaiser, Gun, Vergath or Avver to rein them in until they feel honor has been satisfied or when they think that it’s just too pathetic to watch it anymore.
1) Trade Run completed. SOP.
2) No trade run next week. WAR GAMES. KILL EACH OTHER. IT’S WAR.
^THE ^[?] ^EMPIRE, ^THE ^COMPANY’S ^OFFICIAL ^NEWS ^SOURCE ^AND ^PROPAGANDA ^TOOL. ^AW ^YEAH