- HEADLINES: Empress Jaylynn’s Reign Ends - Irishkaiser Imprisoned Again
- EDITORIAL “Nice and Chill - the vaguest of descriptions.”
ASPERMONT, WESTERLANDS- Empress Jaylynn’s reign ends as she departs this world. Dog bless. She has been laid to rest in some kind of tomb somewhere or some shit. I don’t know where we dumped her bo- Er, I mean… Honorably laid to rest. The two next in line for the throne are either:
Queen Aster or Princess Cami.
The choice of Aster would forever hold the UTC in union with the Kingdom of Norway, while the choice of Princess Cami as the more popular candidate gives popular domestic support.
The Directory however put a stop to Irishkaiser’s secret father figure fetish shenanigans and once again imprisoned him in a lunatic asylum.
Irishkaiser - Of all the ways to describe a person, modern youth usually resort to “X’s is nice” or “X is chill”. For most people, this seems sufficient, but to me or others like me, this is fucking useless. I gain nothing at all from those statements and no idea of what a person is like by those words. Though its true meaning is probably “I like that person because they are nice to me”* and all I know is the relation between the two, I do not at all acquire anything about what I asked for. In fact, two things go in my mind when people use those words:
1) Someone who doesn’t get easily offended at all(nice)
2) A lazy bum(chill)
A good example of an excellent description that I would love to have, especially when I ask from my subordinates, colleagues or superiors is one spoken of by the Austrian Field Marshal Prince de Ligne, when he described General Grigory Potemkin to his friend Philippe de Ségur in a letter. The letter about Potemkin reads:
I here behold a Commander in Chief who looks idle and is always busy; who has no other desk than his knees, no other comb than his fingers; constantly reclined on his couch, yet sleeping neither in night nor in daytime. A cannon shot, to which he himself is not exposed, disturbs him with the idea that it costs the life of some of his soldiers. Trembling for others, brave himself, alarmed at the approach of danger, frolicsome when it surrounds him, dull in the midst of pleasure, surfeited with everything, easily disgusted, morose, inconstant, a profound philosopher, an able minister, a sublime politician, not revengeful, asking pardon for a pain he has inflicted, quickly repairing an injustice. Thinking he loves God when he fears the Devil; waving one hand to the females that please him, and with the other making the sign of the cross; receiving numberless presents from his sovereign and distributing them immediately to others; preferring prodigality in giving, to regularity in paying; prodigiously rich and not worth a farthing; easily prejudiced in favor of or against anything; talking divinity to his generals and tactics to his bishops; never reading, but pumping everyone with whom he converses Uncommonly affable or extremely savage, the most attractive or most repulsive of manners; concealing under the appearance of harshness, the greatest benevolence of heart, like a child, wanting to have everything, or, like a great man, knowing how to do without; gnawing his fingers, or apples, or turnips; scolding or laughing; engaged in wantonness or in prayers, summoning twenty aides de camp and saying nothing to any of them, not caring for cold, though he appears unable to exist without furs; always in his shirt without pants, or in rich regimentals; barefoot or in slippers; almost bent double when he is at home, and tall, erect, proud, handsome, noble, majestic when he shows himself to his army like Agamemnon in the midst of the monarchs of Greece. What then is his magic? Genius, natural abilities, an excellent memory, artifice without craft, the art of conquering every heart; much generosity, graciousness, and justice in his rewards; and a consummate knowledge of mankind.
Through descriptions like that, I have a very good idea of what a person is like. Though some of the complex words may not be in your caliber, the idea is to try your best to actually describe a person. Perhaps you’ll even reflect on your true state of friendship with them rather than based on niceties which may just be skin-deep. It may even serve to help if you actually at all even know what that person is like.
Though taking in the context of the times when Field Marshal de Ligne’s letter was written, the large distances and slower delivery mad the people then wrote more carefully and take great pains to get the right message through because communication is important - especially when they’re higher powers at work who totally rely or depend on accurate information - the faster communications got however, the shorter it was required to send a message, especially when communication could now be applied on while you were doing it, because corrections and information delivery was quicker. But we must never forget the basis upon which why we communicate. We send information and ideas to each other and that alone forms the basis of much of our civilization. When I ask you to give me an idea of that person, please give me your idea. I have an idea. You have an idea. Do we have the same idea? Is there a better idea?
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- TRADE US MineZ Trade Run
The Directory proudly announces that it has delivered
3 Iron Armor Set
3 Diamond Sword
1 Feather Falling II Boots
1 Infinity Bows
in value exchange for
34 Health Potions
A very profitable trade run led by GunOverdose, with the armor provided by the 93rd and the swords provided by the 501st. This trade run had no geared bad guys at all and the UTC cops decided to make one out of a bunch of premiums who only bandited when the UTC left(to which the UTC promptly returned to kill them)
Boogaert, being some kind of Black Lives Matter asshole was shouting “BUT BUT… HE’S JUST DOING HIS OWN THING…” to which everyone else tried to justify it. Irishkaiser owned up to it and said
“I’m shocked you guys are trying to justify obvious racism, holy shit. The only reason we’re killing this fucker is cause he got a diamond sword that he bandited from a customer AFTER we left and BECAUSE HE’S A PREMIUM WHILE HE DID IT. It’s racist, but it’s not stupid.”
Irishkaiser later cited that the premium bandits then followed the trail where the UTC left off of, assuming that the two were probably trying to find UTC stragglers to kill alone. The fighting took them all the way to Romero, but the UTC recovered all the stuff taken by the premium bandits and re-distributed it to the white customers who owned it previously before they were killed.
- TRADE US MineZ Trade
The Directory proudly announces that it has delivered
1 Iron Armor Set
in value exchange for
5 Health Potions
I was raped by my Dutch lovers again.
- PvP Drill 101st Mass PvP Event - 101 Dalmations
Movie is cancelled. No drills. Probably will appear next week.
- DOMESTIC Irishkaiser unveils drawing - Men of War, the Imperial General Staff
A painting called Men of War, the Imperial General Staff detailing the members of the Grand Staff of the UNKNOWN [?] Trading Company was unveiled yesterday in the UnknownTradeCo subreddit. Within a day, the image has garnered 111+ views.
- DOMESTIC 501st Regiment Captures named Diamond Sword - XenoClient’s Autoclicker
Members of the 501st Regiment acquired a named diamond sword called “XenoClient’s autoclicker” after engaging and defeating a bunch of bandits near Al Hasa. The experience was considered ideal as most of the casualties were incurred by cockier raiders and lessons were taken by the supply train and medic who participated in the melee when given explicit orders not to who died in the fighting due to COCKINESS.
- DOMESTIC 501st and 93rd Regiments Dominates Al Hasa - Battle Honour to be decided upon
Within the past week, the Al Hasa and Virtues Regiments have scoured Al Hasa bringing in a string of victories and standing up to the locals with a high success rate and low casualty ratio. One particular battle on the 23rd of July, 2017 however is being decided upon for a Battle Honour. A report from a raider is seen:
12 Confirmed Kills on 7/23/2017 In or around the Al Hasa Area. All were very competent pvpers, (with the exception of two full irons that were clearly new to the game). Most were in full iron, except for a leather, a chain, and a half iron. Several members of the 501st and even a 93rd member shared the kills. Countless diamond swords were recovered (around 10), aswell as Heal Bows, full iron sets, and much more. We also had no casualties throughout the day. I’d call it a very successful day of shitting on premiums and defending our regiments home.
- DOMESTIC 93rd Opens Up War Factory
The 93rd Regiment of Virtues opens up a General Needs factory to sustain entire Company armies. The only problem is the distribution as it’s an “on-demand” system with little planning for reserves.
- FINANCE As told by Patterns
- ORDERS: *
1) Trade Run completed. SOP.
^THE ^[?] ^EMPIRE, ^THE ^COMPANY’S ^OFFICIAL ^NEWS ^SOURCE ^AND ^PROPAGANDA ^TOOL. ^AW ^YEAH