- HEADLINES: CARRIER HAS ARRIVED
- EDITORIAL “The misuse of Jokes and "Sarcasm”
- TRADE archive compileNewList.sh data.json head.html links.html output.md tail.html US MineZ Trade Run
- TRADE archive compileNewList.sh data.json head.html links.html output.md tail.html US MineZ Trade
- PvP Drill archive compileNewList.sh data.json head.html links.html output.md tail.html 102nd Mass PvP Event - Why do I keep waiting for fucking reports that never come.
- DOMESTIC Virtues Industries to develop next-generation Secret Technology
- DOMESTIC Observer Interests Heightened on 501st vs the World
- DOMESTIC New Standard Issue Stuff recommended by the Grand Staff
- DOMESTIC 501st Regiment finally fully adopts the Battalion System
- FINANCE 11% INCREASE, BITCHES.
- ORDERS: *
^HEADLINES
EDITORIAL
TRADE
DRILLS
DOMESTIC
FINANCE
ORDERS
ASPERMONT, WESTERLANDS- A Carrier was commissioned on the 11th of August, 2017 and launched on the following day. The Carrier, if fully commissioned, will give the UNKNOWN [?] Trading Company a force projection platform which will allow it to protect its interests in-game wherever they desire.
The Carrier’s value as an arm of the Company’s arsenal will able to sustain foreign expeditions beyond our borders without the sustained need for local alts or bases. The addition of carriers, according to the Grand Staff, will make expanding territory unnecessary and redundant, severely reducing and freeing up alts for combat or general storage as the UNKNOWN [?] Trading Company can essentially have a mobile base traveling and can be deployed anywhere.
Currently undergoing its trials, the Carrier was also noted for its versatility as MineZ’s sandbox mechanics allows the Carrier to be mixed and matched with various armor, equipment and legendaries to better suit it for its specific mission and can be fitted with anything to make it either more suited for land, sea or cave fighting.
While all proponents of the Carrier agrees on its value as a tool, some believe that the Carrier should be deployed to assist the Al Hasa Regiment in the 501st against the World conflict to fully able to appreciate its abilities and its limits. Others say that by doing so, it exposes the Carrier to the risk of discovery by the enemy, potentially ruining its surprise effect if the UTC were to fight a real war with them. All agree that the Carrier needs to undergo more trials and be given a variety of missions in controlled secret to be analyzed properly by the Grand Staff.
Irishkaiser - I have noticed that a great many people either do not know how to make a joke or use sarcasm IN THE INTERNET. Many of these same people, when called out, use the flimsy excuse of “IT’S HARD TO READ SARCASM ON THE INTERNET” or “IT’S JUST A JOKE, DUDEBRO. DIDN’T YOU UNDERSTAND”. Two of my recent encounters have convinced me that a lot of people don’t know that the responsibility of the message’s readability also lies on the same user, for if we already decide that bad grammar is on the poster, then bad sarcasm is on the poster as well. Double standards however, is Shotbow’s standards, so don’t expect much from them. I do expect much from you, reader.
Simply saying something does not give indications of sarcasm or a joke. It needs redundant adjectives or intensifiers or it should almost sound like an oxymoron when it comes to conversation. An example below is boogaert.
https://www.reddit.com/r/UnknownTradeCo/comments/6t3xyj/utc_is_now_the_official_minez_swim_team/dlhsvxe/
yeah i hate when people have a ton of splashes sucks being at a disadvantage unfairly :(
He excellently punctuated it with a smiley. The main indicator of the sarcasm though was the combination of the words “sucks”, “disadvantage” and “unfairly”. They are redundant and it feels like he’s forcing an idea across rather than offering his sincere opinion.
On jokes. An example of a joke that isn’t a joke or a bad joke is this:
https://youtu.be/t9v0Wv8TKQs?t=1m41s
You know who you are.
The Directory proudly announces that it has delivered
2 Diamond Swords
2 Iron Armor Sets
2 Infinity Bows
in value exchange for
1 Simoon Song
12 Health Potions
A short trade run that ended up being more like a delivery than a trade run. Other than one infinity bow which was sold to someone along the way, the main reason it was REALLY REALLY SHORT was being a single Imperial Citizen bought everything and bid for the entire thing with a Simoon Song. The trade run was intended to be short but it was even shorter when the UNKNOWN [?] Trading Company just accepted the deal with 1 Simoon Song and some potions so it can carry on with its Carrier Trials.
The Directory proudly announces that it has delivered
5 Battle Inventories
in value exchange for
1 Legendary Bow
Kaiser Arsenal has delivered about 3 of the Battle Inventories. The next two are on the way.
WHERE
Virtues Industries with some contract help from Kaiser Arsenal has announced its intentions to develop a sort of something… Something, alright. Essential for the defense of the UNKNOWN [?] Trading Company. The amazing thing about this is that it will actually reduce one of our “assets” that costs us $60 a year into fucking 0. It’s practically free. The UTC taxpayer finally gets a good deal on its money. Once finished, of course.
The Observers were noticeably interested after one encounter in the 501st after it was hyped up so much, but then realized it was just a bunch of premiums grasping at every tiny victory they have against the UTC. They were disappointed to find that it wasn’t such a catastrophic defeat as the enemy likes to put up and the 501st managed to capture the enemy’s stuff from them, including an Agni’s Chestplate because well, I don’t know. Killing like half isn’t like killing everybody and letting them get away, right?
Observers were like “Hey, since we started already, might as well go on, right?” and did their solemn duty to save face because since everybody else made a big deal about it, they made a big deal about it and then couldn’t back out without looking lazy. This turned out to be the right decision as they observers studied and interviewed the belligerents. Some conversations revealed certain improvements and weaknesses on both sides. It is estimated that combat effectiveness is improved by 80% after figuring out just one thing.
After a certain event and certain conversations, a new standard issue combat accessory is recommended.
As always, they messed up the organization at first, but a few missionaries and government teachers taught them you start counting from 1.
SHOW ME THE MONEY. TIME TO JERK OFF
1) Trade Run completed. SOP.
^THE ^[?] ^EMPIRE, ^THE ^COMPANY’S ^OFFICIAL ^NEWS ^SOURCE ^AND ^PROPAGANDA ^TOOL. ^AW ^YEAH