CONTENTS : CTRL+F and type in the following if you just want to read a small part of the news.

    ^HEADLINES

    EDITORIALS

    TRADE

    DOMESTIC

    COMMUNITY

    ORDERS

    • HEADLINES: LOL CRACKERJACK

    ASPERMONT, W.L. - User Crackerjack7209, a regular customer to the Company and the King’s Right Hand man died two days ago to premium hoppers who were accused to be hacking by both him and Good King Skimy who was there to witness them.

    It was kind of hilarious because he was doing 5K at the time when he was killed and then he moped on eyechat all day like some emo kid and started to cut himself. That was the hilarious part.

    Our hearts go out to Crackerjack and his loss. However, from his disaster we have learned it takes exactly 12 full diamond swords to complete the 5K challenge and learning from this, the Company may create a 5K package for its customers in the near future.

    But seriously though, like he was all like “CRAAAAAAWLING IN MY SKIIIIN THESE WOUUUUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEAAAAL”

    • EDITORIAL “PRUSSIA. ORDER AND DISCIPLINE!”

    Irishkaiser - One thing I’m proud to see the Company emulate is the Prussian character and soldierly virtues and I can say without a doubt though without proof that this is because we are returning to our roots and love of homeserver without the egotistic clash of premiums.

    I can’t really prove it yet, but I have a gut feeling that only because we finally have a love of community that loves us back that the Company is no longer being filled with PREMIUM DEGENERATES… Culturally speaking, of course. Though, to be fair and honest it isn’t necessarily premiums are the problem but the fact that the balance of power shifts heavily in their favor. The very reason why premiums should be “balanced”(in terms of social power, I haven’t really thought out their spawn kits yet) is because they’re a threat.

    Same should be done to non-premiums but it’s usually the non-premiums which are the victims of the social struggle because the premiums usually are closer to the admins and in effect, gain some kind of unjust bias which is everything we stand against. Examples of this is the mindset of people like SuburbanSB who manifested the “stupid” in such extremes that quoting Lieutenant_Joe:

    ^“… ^Lost ^all ^respect ^for ^him”.

    Now I’m straying away from “Prussian Virtues. Fuck it, here’s a Wikipedia link. Stay Fredrick, Landeskinder seins.

    • TRADE US Trade Run

    The Directory proudly reports:

    2 Chain Sets

    2 Infinity Bow

    3 iron swords

    In exchange for

    15 Health Potions

    Glorious and heroic Comrades of our Mother Company! You have reputed yourselves as the most cohesive and organized fighting force in MineZ and as of the events of 14th of Sun’s Height(September) 2013, I am glad to say you have proven your boast on the battlefield with your high sense of order and discipline that I have not seen anywhere in any other clan(even the new guy)! Increasingly outnumbered, you were never outclassed and you fought the premium scum that rivals the heroic defense of the Soviet peoples in the Great Patriotic War!

    You have weathered their imbalanced spawn gear of speed potions, grenades, grapples, stone swords and cookies to start in the sands of the South. You have liberated Portsmouth from the chain and iron premium bandits, by using your cleverness, sent them on a wild goose chase freeing the spawn towns from their colored tyranny and disappointed the Golds, Platinums and Obsidian bastards of the Eternal Jew- ER, PREMIUM… NOT JEWS.

    You have failed to continue properly selling, but you have done a service for your Homeserver and I will make sure the King will hear everything of your valorous deeds in inadvertently protecting the South(though unintentional). Tenland is proud of HER SONS.

    • TRADE US Diamond Sword Trade

    The directory reports that it delivered about:

    4 Diamond swords

    In exchange for

    32 health potions

    POOR CRACKERJACK. HE DIED SOON AFTER. AEUEGHUEHUEHUH… ahem Mourn the dead…

    • TRADE US Iron Armor Trade

    The directory reports that it delivered about:

    2 Iron Armor Sets

    In exchange for

    16 Health Potions

    User Trolling Hippo bought 2 iron armor sets for a clan war later that day. One for him and the other for his friend.

    • TRADE US Half Iron Trade

    The directory reports that it delivered about:

    1 Iron Helmet, 1 Iron Pants

    In exchange for

    5 Health Potions

    Get in, buy shit, smoke bitches.

    • DOMESTIC: Company Welfare Pension for Citizens

    Due to enormous income of potions and golden apples. The Company will provide welfare pension for the city’s citizens… Only because we have too much potions.

    • DOMESTIC: Operation Hari Krishna

    We’re just gonna find and get Gandhi’s attention on EU-1. Nothing special, really.

    • ORDERS: *

    1) Trade Run finished. SOP.

    2) Next Trade Run EU-1.

    3) US Counter-Hopping Exercise next week.

    ^THE ^[?] ^EMPIRE, ^THE ^COMPANY’S ^OFFICIAL ^NEWS ^SOURCE ^AND ^PROPAGANDA ^TOOL. ^AW ^YEAH.