HEADLINES: Local Bot granted Human Rights by Irishkaiser.

ASPERMONT, WESTERLANDS - Local bot - YOUREABOT - who has been posting in this subreddit was granted “Rights” by Irishkaiser and all its posts have stopped being hidden as it was weeks ago everytime it posted. The reason being that it posted like a person just about enough that it impressed Irishkaiser when it started posting opinions that though it may technically not believe, was coherent enough to be thought-provoking. This or that everyone else’s opinions are just so bad that everyone else types and thinks like a bot.

As such the bot is guaranteed freedom of speech and of course to be treated as would a person. This of course does mean the bot also has the responsibilities of a person(so far as it can be responsibly held) and that spam does not constitute freedom of speech.

This action has counter-intuitively given hope to the European Man-Bot Love Association otherwise known as EMBLA as they began to flirt with and have attempted sexual intercourse with the bots. Since the bots cannot legally consent unless programmed to, all people who have attempted fornication or attempts at union were arrested for assault and rape.

This isn’t the first time the Company granted rights to non-sentient beings as Pigmen in the past have been granted Imperial Citizenship for their defense of Company Territories and it was discouraged to kill Pigmen unless they violated the NAP in which case you were free to kill them.

Hippity hoppity get off my property.

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EDITORIAL - Elimination of the nine to five.　　

Irishkaiser - For many years, the nine to five job has been the workplace standard of the modern world. It had its origins in the Industrial Revolution where dissatisfied workers demanded 8 hours work, 8 hours rest and 8 hours recreation. The 8 hours eventually became the nine-to-five job and through Western imperialism, began to spread throughout the industrializing world.

Saturdays and Sundays weren’t the only days or special days off for a lot of the Western world and in the East, most people still work six days a week compared to their five day Western counter-parts. It was predicted that in the future, most notably by economist Maynard Keynes, founder of the Keynesian school of economics, technology would reduce work hours and maximize labor output for individuals.

So far, his prediction hasn’t come to fruition as businesses who are afraid of changing what workers originally fought for since the 8 hour work day is a guaranteed legal right which can be sued by workers and even maliciously by businesses themselves against the interest of their employees have kept us in the 9-5 for so long. It is a complex topic with both boss and workers fucking each other over.

But I believe that eventually, economic necessities and realities will win through by the power of profits. Unnecessary work hours being spent doing absolutely nothing will eventually be realized by business owners as detrimental to costs as labor will eventually maximize the worker output. Today, we see potentials like that operate in robots in the workplace. Unlike most fearmongerers, I do not believe robots will make us poorer, for they will balance the whole thing out by making products much cheaper and opening up a bigger pool of the population doing other highly specialized productive things. This has happened in our history before. Don’t believe me?

Ask a farmer of the 19th century where agriculture was still a big thing and tell him that farmers will lose their jobs to machines and that only a very small, tiny fraction of a percentage of the population will be farmers in the future with one man capable of feeding an entire town all by himself. He cannot and probably will not comprehend or accept such a disastrous future with lack of job security. But we see that we have moved away from that and we are more prosperous than ever. What will the workers of today do? Find new jobs generated by the spur of technology, that’s what.

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TRADE - US MineZ Trade Run

The Directory proudly announces that it has cancelled the trade run for reconnoitering

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TRADE - Common Market Trade

The Directory proudly announces that it has witnessed the following goods circulated.

Splash Potions

Cake

Gunpowder

Button

Wahoo.

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PvP Drill 152nd Mass PvP Event - There Lies the East

Alright mapping out the East, the following have been discovered.

1) It is just as populated, however the team that was sent to recce were either too late or too early and missed most personnel that passed by. Dumb luck I guess.

2) Area is about the same with little change in terms of strategic value.

3) LAG ACTUALLY STARTS AT 4:40PM EST

Alright, I guess.

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DOMESTIC - SOCIALISM CALLED OUT FOR HAVING OFFENSE IN AN APRIL FOOLS' JOKE

Local man, Karl McMarx, as he had not yet CONSENTED to give his name took offense to an April Fools joke posted by Irishkaiser that for not suiting his tastes that he called for its immediate removal with approval from another in the Imperial Assembly

What shocked the Right Honourable Gentleman Irishkaiser were his fellows immediately thought it was OK to do it without consent or respect for individual rights. They did stop themselves however, but they made no mention of why other than convenience because eventually Karl McMarx did find it funny… SO HE BASED HIS DECISIONS ON CONVENIENCE AND HIS EMOTIONS AT THE TIME. WHAT KIND OF FICKLE SHIT WAS THAT? Socialism on the rise in the Company, I tells ya. Old man says for 300th time.

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DOMESTIC - 1st Regiment’s K-Arsenal looking to expand its employees

The 1st Regiment is looking to expand its Kaiser Arsenal network and is even considering allowing non-Regimentals or even foreigners to be a part of its system building shit from the ground up. All interested may PM Irishkaiser in whatever. Fuck, if you wanna send me a snap go ahead.

Or Shrauger. I don’t know. Just leave it on my mailbox.

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DOMESTIC - LOCAL MAN WANTED TO BECOME DIRECTORY. WAS DENIED. DENIED FURTHER AFTER APPARENT SOCIALISM.

Local man and SOCIALIST wanted to become Directory, but was denied on grounds of mental instability by one Directory member. There was only one vote against him when it happened as the others haven’t made any thorough decision yet but after his apparent socialism and making decisions based on convenience demonstrated in the Imperial Assembly guaranteed that another vote against.

WE ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH FASCO-COMMUNISTS IN HERE, DAMNIT. OUR RIGHTS AND LIBERTIES ARE AT STAKE, DAMN IT. DON’T TREAD ON ME.

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FINANCE - The numbers sometimes just get so boring to read.

Same shit, different day.

**ORDERS:**

1) TRADE RUN NEXT WEEK

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^{THE [?] EMPIRE,THE COMPANY’S OFFICIAL NEWS SOURCE AND PROPAGANDA TOOL. AW YEAH}