HEADLINES: MAN QUESTIONS PURPOSE OF FOREIGN OFFICE
ASPERMONT, WESTERLANDS - A Foreign Office employee begins questioning the existence and purpose of Shadowhall after claiming that it no longer has a purpose after achieving all its objectives. This came after being questioned as why he kept sending Foreign Intelligence to the Home Secretary in Hill Guards. The Home Secretary was totally fine with keeping the Foreign Office as you never know when you need it and even implied the only reason he wants the Foreign Office to close its doors is to erase his dossier where it implicated him in all the unsavory black covert ops he’s done.
Nobody should ever see what he’s done.
The complainer was later black bagged and told that “See? It has its uses.”
EDITORIAL - Carrie Lam and Theresa May
Irishkaiser - Carrie Lam and Theresa May are the perfect examples of political expedients. Many people blame them for the so-called problems their countries face but not that many know that they literally don’t know what they’re doing and were chosen just because of it. Both never got their positions based on a solid election as Theresa May stepped up from former Prime Minister David Cameron and Carrie Lam was chosen as Chief Executive by a committee of people that is outside of Hong Kong.
Both are chosen because they aren’t offensive at all to anyone, at least initially. They were chosen to be controlled by their respective parties or special interests groups and both literally don’t know what to do without the backing from their literal owners.
And for some strange reason, people hate them and the people who put them there in the first place are free from blame and laugh their way to the bank. Don’t hate them, just understand them and in the shitshow they didn’t want to be in.
TRADE - US MineZ Trade Run
The Directory proudly announces that it has cancelled the trade run due to June Reforms
TRADE - Common Market Trade
The Directory proudly announces that it has witnessed the following goods circulated.
June Reforms means no work for the UTC
PvP Drill 161st Mass PvP Event - June Reforms nuffen
DOMESTIC - WESTERLANDS MAN TAKES PRIDE IN DRIVING LOCAL SPECIES OF SHITPOSTER TO EXTINCTION
A local Westerlands man introduces invasive species of shitposting driving the species of shitposter known as boonut is in the critically endangered list as his posts become fewer and fewer. Once found frequently in most UTC institutions, the boonut was driven from its natural habitats with continuous Garfposting, a foreign invasive creature imported from some God-awful African country.
The boonut species of shitposter has already been declared extinct in parts of the UTC as it migrates to avoid Garfposting and all the basic shitposting and unfunny mainstream memes, prompting some local conservationists to declare boonut a protected species, but local Westerlands man vows to continue fighting as he feels pride in his pollution.
DOMESTIC - WORK RETURNING
One more week… Maybe..?
DOMESTIC - QUEEN JAYLYNN REFUSES TO GIVE CHICKEN POT PIE TO IRISHKAISER
Come on… They’re good berries.
FINANCE - MASTERS OF HITTEN MITSURUGI
9 Stocklisted Dragon!
1) TRADE RUN NEXT WEEK
THE [?] EMPIRE,THE COMPANY’S OFFICIAL NEWS SOURCE AND PROPAGANDA TOOL. AW YEAH