Aaron Leonard https://risingthumb.xyz
HEADLINES: NATIONWIDE MANHUNT FOR BOONUT
ASPERMONT, WESTERLANDS - A nationwide manhunt for Company Member /u/boonut was announced yesterday as two days ago, a Membership vote was in a deadlock due to boonut voting “no” without putting any thought or actually giving a shit like literally just saying no out of nowhere, thus preventing a candidate from achieving Company Membership.
As though it was probably a joke vote, his words were sacredly legitimate as it was said in the Imperial Assembly and thus his “no” literally counts as no.
This prompted the Imperial Assembly to go announce a nationwide manhunt for boonut for being such a fucking shitposter in the most hallowed halls of the Clan and ask him to reconfirm his vote if it was serious or not. God I hate niggers so goddamn much.
EDITORIAL - boonut bad
Irishkaiser - Carrie Lam and Theresa May are the perfect examples of political expedients. Many people blame them for the so-called problems their countries face but not that many know that they literally don’t know what they’re doing and were chosen just because of it. Both never got their positions based on a solid election as Theresa May stepped up from former Prime Minister David Cameron and Carrie Lam was chosen as Chief Executive by a committee of people that is outside of Hong Kong.
Both are chosen because they aren’t offensive at all to anyone, at least initially. They were chosen to be controlled by their respective parties or special interests groups and both literally don’t know what to do without the backing from their literal owners.
And for some strange reason, people hate them and the people who put them there in the first place are free from blame and laugh their way to the bank. Don’t hate them, just understand them and in the shitshow they didn’t want to be in.
TRADE - US MineZ Trade Run
The Directory proudly announces that it has delievered
2 Iron Swords
1 Iron Armor Set
in value exchange for
2 buttons and a mule
This is one of the most UTC trade runs ever, particularly because premium bandits were chasing the UTC and customers who bought UTC weapons killed them. KEK WE ISRAEL NOW.
I shit you not. We sold equipment to a bunch of customers and they killed our enemies twice with the equipment we gave them.
Intelligence relayed to them however saved them from being ganged up on.
TRADE - Common Market Trade
The Directory proudly announces that it has witnessed the following goods circulated.
Iron Armor Pieces
Chain Armor Pieces
As action has decreased overall all over MineZ, so has demand for supplies.
PvP Drill 161st Mass PvP Event - Still nuffen
Apparently the Knights couldn’t go on a Crusade as many were busy at the weekend.
DOMESTIC - KNIGHTS OF GRIMDALE USES KAISER ARSENAL GIFT AS STORAGE WAREHOUSE
From a bunch of potions and golden apples now it’s filled with bits and pieces from Belethor, the General Goods Store.
DOMESTIC - AFTER TRADE RUN, REGIMENTAL SUGGESTS TO TONE IT DOWN TO ONE TRADE RUN A MONTH
THE NERVE THAT A PILLOCK OF A REGIMENTAL DECIDES TO SUGGESTS THAT TRADE RUNS BE DONE ONCE A MONTH. UNBELIEVABLE, MINISTER. The reason being that fewer and fewer people are being seen in MineZ to do sustainable trades. The suggestions is on the shelf.
DOMESTIC - STUDENT ATHLETE BILL PROPONENTS DROP CASE DUE TO DE FACTO IMPLEMENTATION
The supporters of “Student Athletes” in the UTC have dropped their case, after being convinced that the implementation is a reality and doesn’t necessarily need big gubmint recognition. Since the system is in place and nobody particularly minds, who cares anyway? We Ancapistan now.
DOMESTIC - GUN ANNOUNCES 93RD COMPLETES ITS REFORMS. SUPERVISOR DISAGREES
GunOverdose announced the completion of the 93rd reforms set about to “correct” the regiment from its problematic habits and issues, announcing it to the Home Secretary with pride, however a supervisor who was assigned to be a non-biased point of view disagreed with statement and told Irish to not go back in there yet as he believed the 93rd has plateued at best and is not yet worthy.
GunOverdose counter-argued that there have been improvements but was reminded that it required the agreements of BOTH gentlemen before any final say on the matter can be done.
“So as long as it’s not really a problem if it isn’t a problem, I don’t see why we should press the matter at all. If they suck, they suck and that’s fine..” the Home Secretary said.
DOMESTIC - 93RD ANNOUNCES TOURNAMENT TO COINCIDE WITH GUN’S ANNOUNCEMENTS
The 93rd Regiment of Virtues announced a tournament as a festival to show off just how much the regiment has improved to the Directory and Hill Guards. The 93rd-only tournament will take place in… I don’t know, I forgot.
Something about showing how they can handle something like this I don’t know I forgot the point I was too busy masturbating when it was sent to me.
DOMESTIC - PI PACK ANNOUNCED UPDATE
DOMESTIC - LOCAL MAN WILL SCRIPT KIDDIE EVERYTHING
I hope you know who.
FINANCE - BANK LOANS TO A HOSPITAL
THE CLAN BANK LOANED TO A LOCAL HOSPITAL IN THE PHILIPPINES LAST WEEK. Ah, fuck it. Who cares, really?
FINANCE - COUNTING MONEY YIELDS LOSSES UNTIL RESERVES FACTORED
A scare was given to the Clan Bank managers last week as counting their money they had noticed a significant lost. It wasn’t until a couple of minutes later they saw that they forgot to count in the reserve funds that were literally just scattered around that things started to make sense.
I guess this is why you hire accountants.
1) TRADE RUN NEXT WEEK
THE [?] EMPIRE,THE COMPANY’S OFFICIAL NEWS SOURCE AND PROPAGANDA TOOL. AW YEAH