HEADLINES: BANJO WEEK ENDS. WORKERS GROG BACK WITH SPEECH
ASPERMONT, WESTERLANDS - Banjo Week festival ended last week as Company Members and Empire journalists grog back to work. Company [?] Major Irishkaiser finally submitted his homework speech yesterday at the end of the festivities, a bit late because he was out partying or some shit. Eventually his work was sent to be published by the Empire [?] Newspaper though the paper smelled of vomit and alcohol. It read as follows:
“Happy Banjo Week. Seven Years for the most dynamic and successful clan in this God-forsaken community. No other clan comes close to having such independence, innovation and influence - even without trying our name keeps them up at night. For Seven Years, we have also learned. We have learned worth and value and of the state of affairs of these niggers, but only now we have seen that they’re not even worth the effort. Our first attempt at giving a gift to all of them was met with resentment and outright insult. They suffered for it greatly. :)
Consequently, we have adapted to this new attitude and have seen that rather than look outwards, we should look inwards and cultivate our traits that so spark their ire and jealousy -
Our free society has always been home for forward-thinking innovators. While others drown themselves in obsolete ideas or even stubbornly cling to methods that don’t work or delude themselves into thinking they’re the Messiah, we have accepted the reality and play by it. For these, I will address two of the greatest achievements of the year 2018-2019 for the UNKNOWN [?] Trading Company.
They are the Foreign Office and our New Industries, they have led the forefront of the We Will Bury Them policy and have achieved the goals from Peace Day, to internal affairs at home.
The Foreign Office has achieved the main points of the We Will Bury Them policy and for that, we have secured our purpose since Peace Day. Secondly, what naturally came from this policy was the New Industries composed by two forward thinking individuals that should be recognized and awarded. Of course, I will not say their names here. We have been open in the past, and in our openness, people were targeted or hurt. Hell, even when we offered a better solution publicly free and everything, the community response was rather Jewish. They have learned their lesson, I hope. Or maybe not. I don’t expect much. They all dance to our strings anyway.
The New Industries provides us with infrastructure that would put us miles ahead of anybody by pure method. It is admitted that not everyone in the wider clan has been given or even known about the New Industries and they probably only heard about it being mentioned in passing - but as they say ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’.
I’m proud of these two aspects. Achieving so much though under cloak and dagger. Do unto others as they say. Pip pip."
EDITORIAL - Abolitionism.
Irishkaiser - Some of you may be surprised to find I’m an abolitionist. With the exception of martial affairs, I do not support the application of the death penalty. Certainly, my religion does play a huge role in this decision as I believe that only God has the right to take a human life and that it should not be left up to formal human judgment on whether one gets to live or not - especially when judgment may be flawed.
Looking at the pros and cons, even I admit that in many ways, Capital Punishment can save states an enormous sum of money as “kill them and be done with it” is economically efficient. Politically speaking, it is hard to justify feeding and putting a roof over criminal scum. To prove a dead man innocent may be difficult however but the compensation for it is most of the time cheaper than housing someone for probably years.
People tout statistics in favor of non-death penalty states, but just like abortion, Capital Punishment varies per country and per culture where pro-abortion groups conveniently forget countries that have excellent maternal health like Ireland’s past and while the United States legalized abortion, Uncle Sam was seen as worse off in general and Brother Mick was actually a pretty OK guy. Even in single countries with varying capital punishment laws, non-death penalty states like Illinois and Maryland have high murder rates that can place them alongside their Retentionist counterparts.
The lowest murder rate belongs to New Hampshire, a Retention state… While Maine is only second and it’s the lowest “Abolitionist” state in the United States. Truly, it is the people that fit the laws.
More examples of juxtapositions: Japan has been touted as one of “safest” countries in the world and it maintains Capital Punishment. South Korea, lower crime rates than average in the industrialized world maintains Capital Punishment. Singapore? The country that has apparently the lowest crime rate in the world? Freaking Retentionist and had a really high execution rate at one time coming second.
So even if all the data points that retention or abolition isn’t really absolute with crime rates, I still personally believe in abolition for all the probability and fallibility. I may not have the perfect solution, but I do think that a living man is more useful than a dead man. It is in my line of reasoning that atonement and penance can be achieved with effort from the man who made those mistakes while he still breaths, not one who ceremoniously committed seppuku.
TRADE - US MineZ Trade Run
The Directory proudly announces that it has cancelled Trade Run due to Banjo Week.
TRADE - Common Market Trade
The Directory proudly announces that it has witnessed the following goods circulated.
I didn’t do anything this week.
TRADE - EU MineZ Trade
The Directory proudly announces that it has delivered
1 Legendary Weapons
in value exchange for
1 Iron Armor Set
I haven’t actually delivered it yet.
PvP Drill 168th Mass PvP Event - Maybe tomorrow
I just got back to work.
DOMESTIC - SHADOWHALL HUGE LAUGH
A lot of laughs were heard from the “Abandoned Train Station” last week as events unfolded wherein great humor was had by members of the Foreign Office. No one knows exactly what it was about and all such accusations were of course denied by its members saying it was just “a funny joke”.
DOMESTIC - HURRICANE BOONUT RETURNS
As a hurricane batters Florida, resident Floridaman got bored as his entire home was being destroyed before his eyes. Finally realizing ducks weren’t all that entertaining, Hurricane Boonut begins bothering everybody and everyone for all time, even going so far as to justify his actions by saying “I am white by law.”
Which his lawyers began frantically scrambling for a proper defense but found none.
FINANCE - Engineering Advice provided by Contractors
Welp, apparently looks like we have to raise the budget. Damn, this is what really sucks about doing business. You think you got everything in order but lo and behold, here comes the cost overruns.
1) TRADE RUN NEXT WEEK.
^(THE [?] EMPIRE,THE COMPANY’S OFFICIAL NEWS SOURCE AND PROPAGANDA TOOL. AW YEAH)