HEADLINES: UNKNOWN [?] TRADING COMPANY CHRISTMAS PARTY 2019
ASPERMONT, WESTERLANDS - The UNKNOWN [?] Trading Company held a Christmas and New Year’s Party in Aurora(due to no Christmas rebuilds this year) last week, sponsored by K-ARSENAL and PiWorks LTD. Unfortunately, only half the guests invited could make it, but that simply placed less strain on the orders. At least two latecomers came… Via voicechat only.
The party started off quite hectic as Irishkaiser logged in surfaced due to his internet or some shit and he was suddenly in a Christmas romantic comedy where he was going to be late to the family gathering, but he tried to make his way back to Aurora after taking multiple wrong turns due to him rushing as if this was written by some Hollywood sleezebag. Don’t worry, he made it in time and learned a valuable lesson from some Spirit of Christmas or some shit.
Upon arriving, he discovered that cousin Joe made a shit work of the Christmas Buffet of imported German cakes, but Irishkaiser remembered it was the thought that counts. Merriment and Dancing abounded as people attempted to lose weight to gain weight and eat the Goddamn cakes. What happened next was a plethora of Great Gatsby ass shit, where debauched and raunchy jokes concerning a certain someone by a certain someone else peppered the night. Of course the drinks catered and provided by K-ARSENAL of Splash IIs and Golden Apples didn’t help.
Irishkaiser eventually put on his Santa Costume and started giving away One Diamond Sword and One Weak Grapple to each of the partygoers. The party got so wasted that they started defiling the graves of WholeMilk and the other builders of Aurora every now and then and completely forgetting what Christmas was all about.. Nearing the end of the party with everyone enjoying themselves, representatives of K-ARSENAL and PiWorks LTD, stepped on stage and announced what the New Industries was all about - actually a lot of it was just Irishkaiser ruining other people’s self-esteem, but that’s OK because the product was well-received… In spite of a few hiccups.
It was later discovered that certain other people were playing the game under the influence of adult substances so there’s that. Also, we found some premiums friendly to the UTC in the caves. We will consider them dwarves, because they’re monsters but friendly monsters.
Other than that, the rest dispersed and bar hopped across MineZ all the way to Zerbia.
EDITORIAL - The Future is Dodgers. UTC 2020.
Irishkaiser - Good morning, afternoon or evening to all of you who had came to that party. That sure was wild, eh? Especially the thing about the “gym”… Years ago, I prophesized bright optimism concerning the future of the Clan in spite of Shotbow’s rotting decline. “The Best Is Yet To Come” I stated. At first it was the Bank of the Unknown [?] Clan where due to stock trading, we had managed to procure cash to make an expensive advertisement that costed us near 8000USD, also known as the Clan Meetup in the Philippines. Every dollar of that trip was WORTH IT.
Boy, the timing was wrong because soon after, the Global Economic Slowdown of 2020 comes knocking. I had expected to grow more after that but damn I don’t think we can afford unnecessary expenses like that in the meantime. Anyway, that’s a story for another article. The year 2019 was filled with wild adventures. We’ve definitely shed some fat, a lot of the useless for the most part, and we’ve also gained some good cholesterol. Cholesterol that helps us maintain this new dream embodied in the idea of the New Industries - as of now the unique aspect of the Company. Its existence could only come to a clan that is both free yet critical. Our willingness to see the possibility of new ideas and the only clan with the foresight and courage to accept and explore brave new ideas. Everyone who was in that party there, I’m sure you could see the vision, character and dream of the UNKNOWN [?] Trading Company. A brighter future for all involved wherein the menial sufferings of the past and inconveniences become obsolete and outmoded.
It was most unfortunate that the rest of the circle however only allowed a limited portion of the products invented to be given public use. For whatever reasons I am not allowed to divulge, I hope one day I could share it with you all. But as a CAPITALIST SOCIETY, I must respect the property of the owners. However, I hope that the freedom we gave them to explore and create these products inspired you to learn, grow and achieve so that one day you too may contribute and bring your genius out into the world. In many ways, this is a continuation of our philosophy of accepting all playstyles. We were the first and still up to this day the only clan that has a merchant playstyle. No one else could support or organize that.
As the Immortal Sagan once said: “A still more glorious dawn awaits/ not a sunrise, but a galaxy-rise/ a morning filled with four hundred billion suns/ the rising of the milky way.”
While others wallow in the filth and stagnation of a bygone era, slaving away on hours gearing up and paying thousands of dollars for a bunch of pixels that have no intrinsic value in an toxic self-loathing environment, we rise above that. NIHIL NOCET NOBIS. Nothing can harm us. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
TRADE - US MineZ Trade Run
The Directory proudly announces that it has delivered
Christmas Cheer and Goodwill
in value exchange for
Least I got chicken…
TRADE - Common Market Trade
The Directory proudly announces that it has witnessed the following goods circulated.
Health Potions, Drink, Splash and Lingering
PvP Drill 173rd Mass PvP Event - It’s Christmas, what do you expect me to do?
Unless you want me to go out there and build an entire army from scratch. I can do that. But I’m on vacation.
DOMESTIC - LOCAL BOY DOES WESTERLANDS STATE PROUD.
Malod A. Johnson was just a plucky average 19 year old Westerland boy, until one day he woke up to his computer with an email saying he was awesomesauce or some shit.
“Warblegarblefarble garble, muhgarblejarglehargle.” he said.
His mother had this to say: “Mah bahby boi is da best in da world. I knew he could do it.”
The 19 year old was then offered scholarship and a job as a waiter in NASA.
We’ll have this and more on NBC Tonight.
DOMESTIC - UTC HOLIDAY SEASON BEGINS
There will be no obligation to any mission for the next three weeks until the completion of the 1st week of January next year. As stated in our labor laws.
DOMESTIC - UNGRATEFUL EMPLOYEES DISCOVER UTC LABOR LAWS
After discovering that they were not obligated from taking part in orders or missions, ungrateful employees began lobbying for more rights, including a pay rise.
“We’ve played this game for five years and with no pay at all. This is practically volunteer work! I think it’s high time the government decided to pay u-” a protester said before the dogs started mauling them.
FINANCE - THIS IS TOTALLY NOT GOOD
This is what the Financial Crash of 2008 must have felt like, Jesus Christ. The news doesn’t make it sound bad at first when it was announced with a bunch of warnings that people ignore, but then it just gets worse than expected.
Must be the Universe balancing out the New Industries. Maybe we should cut the New Industries to save our bank.
FINANCE - CRISIS, BALDRICK CRISIS.
Ok guys. Looks like we’re gonna have a big meeting on the Global Economic Slowdown. What to do what to do.
1) TRADE RUN NEXT WEEK. ___
^(THE [?] EMPIRE,THE COMPANY’S OFFICIAL NEWS SOURCE AND PROPAGANDA TOOL. AW YEAH)