^(HEADLINES)

^EDITORIAL

^TRADE

^DRILLS

^DOMESTIC

^FINANCE

^ORDERS

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HEADLINES: UNIVERSE ATTACKS AND PROTECTS

ASPERMONT, WESTERLANDS - The Universe attacked the Company today as the trade run had to be rescheduled and Irishkaiser failed to come again twice in a row. But in both those instances, good things have happened, particularly in the negative treatment of the elements hostile to the Company’s interests.

In the latest attack, laptop hardware gave out just right before the trade run, wherein the member had stuff to sell on them. This was greatly disappointing, but later an offer to reschedule it to allow more individuals to participate has given for a good compromise. In addition, old MineZ players came into contact and or joined the UTC for frequent conversation.

One of which, a retired staff member, spoke out about the abuses of the administration and the awful work environment Shotbow had to be in. In addition to the already given awful character and professionalism exhibited by Shotbow Network, the former staff member testified that:

Interview: Regardless of how horrendous the anti-cheat was, and how it nabbed people by mistake repeatedly. Admins even talked about this in said Slack, but none of them ultimately gave a shit. Players were talked about like they were just numbers.

It actually got people by mistake?

Interview: All the time. It was absolutely broken for a while

Though the many questionable acts of morality and character was discussed, one that stuck out the most was Mr_Darn’s wife leaving him because he was into Shotbow too much that it literally affected his duties as a husband and a father.

The only one that seemed to escape the scathing comments, though was still said to be subject to manipulation, also heavily considered drama and politics rather than doing the right thing directly was Majicou.

The interview however immediately shut down when the topic of Akalen4u’s nudes came up, and once again denied Irishkaiser.

Fuck that guy.

But damn, I sure loved what happened to Kensai. I’ll never forget him and the fuckers who sided with the admins over my claims against them. Goddamn Irishkaiser always right.

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EDITORIAL - How to Convince Governments to Legalize Weed　　

Irishkaiser - Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears! For ganja is of great benefit to the state! Though thou may cry havoc for the people, I come to tell you that nay, my fellow Patricians, nay… Weed is for our benefit, not theirs! In this line of reasoning, I say we legalize it in concordance with the Vox Populi!

Truly, I speak to you that in the principle of Bread and Circuses, one can sedate the people with marijuana and drown out torrents of anger and hatred that may be pointed at us! We strive to make jobs for the economy, not for their well-being. No. We make jobs so that men may be busy and not kept idle with thoughts of sedition! Sedition, my lords! SEDITION!

So why then shall we stop weed from reaching them? When an enemy offers their own defeat, shall we not accept this gift horse by its mouth?

I speak as a Noble, my heart and soul against the Devil’s Cabbage, and truly I despise it. But I have seen that an opiated people are better to control than one who is disillusioned by the mechanisms of government and law. Imagine how some are driven to action for such views! Oh the humanity!

But weed deprives one of ambition and would make one rather prone to writing limerick and rhyme in what is known as Hippity Hop! What better way to stop a rebel than make him a fight like sheep?

If my words do not convince you of the benefits of weed, senators. Rather, look at how much more constituents you may have when you rally under the green flag of Mary Jane! The votes, Mr.Speaker, the votes!

LONG LIVE THE GRAND POOBAH!

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TRADE - US MineZ Trade Run

The Directory proudly announces that it has cancelled Trade Run due to UNIVERSE ATTACKS. Put your seatbelts on and watch out for any opportunity or good news that comes your way.

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TRADE - Common Market Trade

The Directory proudly announces that it has witnessed the following goods circulated.

Splash II Potions

Power II Bows

Diamond Sword???

I’m not sure if this Diamond Sword was this week or last week… BECAUSE MY LAPTOP BROKE.

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PvP Drill 175th Mass PvP Event - UNIVERSE ATTACKS

Comrade, why did the laptop give out.

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DOMESTIC - UTC HUSTLES A PREMIUM BUT USED A PREMIUM TO MAKE THE DEAL

So we had a good thing going right? Then this nigger. This useless ass bitch ass punk ass platinum ass son of a bitch decides to settle for low cost. I bet this punk ass would fail in his studies because his college course is Business and Finance or whatever.

Bitch can’t even get the best deal ass punk ass nigga.

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DOMESTIC - ACTION FIGURES FOR SALE?

After hustling a premium, an idea came up about starting UNKNOWN [?] Trading Company merchandise in-game so you can take and bring “action figures” or “plushies” of Company Members everywhere.

Unfortunately, the Universe fucked it all up for us cause I can’t even get started.

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DOMESTIC - SUPPORT FOR SELFIE CHANNEL GROWS

In a short burst of support, the selfie_channel movement grew after a certain individual posted a pic of himself, which was soon followed by others.

This indicates that soon there will probably be a section of homo-erotic content. Man, we muhreenz are so homoerotic.

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FINANCE - FOREIGNERS HELP RALLY

The panic selling last week due to the COVID19 scare was taken advantage of by foreign buyers as big non-Filipino companies who still saw major potential and a solid foundation in the economy helped stabilize and brought back a good end for the stocks

However, the foreigners were interested in the major companies only, leaving most of the small and middle-grade companies - the ones with the highest capability for movement ignored. Therefore, general movement was minimal and rather short-lived. The good news is, the market’s stabilized though, but the environment is still sketchy to trade profitably. But you know what they say, high risk, high reward.

**ORDERS:**

1) LEISURE WEEK NEXT WEEK. TRADE RUN NOW >-<

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^(THE [?] EMPIRE,THE COMPANY’S OFFICIAL NEWS SOURCE AND PROPAGANDA TOOL. AW YEAH)