^(HEADLINES)

^EDITORIAL

^TRADE

^DRILLS

^DOMESTIC

^FINANCE

^ORDERS

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HEADLINES: COMPANY GIVEN ABILITY TO PRODUCE KILLER PREMIUM TYPE PLAYERS

ASPERMONT, WESTERLANDS - The UNKNOWN [?] Trading Company last week was given the source of premium PvP skills, thus theoretically allowing it to producing killer premium capable players without resorting to cheats.

For years, the Company has always relied on superior training, equipment and organization to outmatch and outclass its premium enemies - but was always markedly inferior man for man when it came to head-on PvP.

The Company can now merge creating these types and match them with its other unique aspects. Kind of like an army of boonuts with their game faces on. Problem would be the army is composed of boonuts.

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EDITORIAL - I really have been staring blankly at this for days　　

Irishkaiser - I have nothing to say. Good job, Silver though. Shout out to my ADOPTED GRANDSON, descended from MY ADOPTED SON, boogaert.

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TRADE - US MineZ Trade Run

The Directory proudly announces that it delivered

1 Binding Helmet

1 Lone Sword

2 Iron Swords

1 Chain Set

1 Iron Armor Set

in value exchange for

Food and Potions and Shit

The first trade run in the latest Big MineZ Update: Origins. The Trade Run discovered that food had inherently reduced in value due to high saturation and high availability of food down South. I remember walking from Grimdale all the way to Geuten without eating a single piece of food in my inventory. At all.

In addition, New Industries assets were field tested and the Trade Run leader, Irishkaiser was inherently pleased by the results of the two projects.

Grimdale looks like ass though.

After the Trade Run, the Company got its first premium kill when attackers came beyond the PvE Line to attack Company forces but were instantly rebuffed by superior UTC equipment and training, leaving one to run away. Least we got a button and cake from the dead guy though.

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TRADE - Common Market Trade

The Directory proudly announces that it has witnessed the following goods circulated.

Legendary Armor

Glowstone

Gunpowder

Why the hell has trade centered around Glowstone and Gunpowder now.

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TRADE - MineZ US Trade

The Directory proudly announces that it has delivered

2 Gunpowder

in value exchange for

I don’t know, ask Shrauger

But I did give him a water bottle and two splashes

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PvP Drill 181st Mass PvP Event - FIELD TESTING OPERATING SYSTEM

Integrating two New Industries products to Company Forces in exercises proved beneficial. Members of the 1st and 93rd Regiment have developed ingenius ways of adapting certain equipment for field use by Company Members.

The ones who are most appreciative of the developments are elite Special Forces type units who now have an edge over potential hostiles.

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DOMESTIC - LOCAL OLD MAN COMPLAINS ABOUT GIFT

The MineZ Origins update has reference for UTC in the game in various locations around the map. Unfortunately, local old man said: “Fuck this consolation prize. I want a huuuge ass statue of myself in the middle of Al Hasa. I didn’t fight 10 wars for nothing.”

Shrauger tried to calm the old man down saying “Dad, just be happy you got something.”

“AND LICK ADMIN BOOT, SON?”

He was then forced to take his sleeping pills.

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DOMESTIC - NO TRADE RUNS NEXT COUPLE OF WEEKS TO FOCUS ON RECON

You heard it here, folks. No trade runs until we can get a footing on how looting works in areas and how best to tackle new gameplay changes. For example, did you know ZOMBIES CAN NOW CLIMB LADDERS? HORY SHET. :V

Lag is still the same as usual. However, the lag however has more detrimental effect on premiums than UTC, who are more used to fighting in laggy conditions. The morale shock and surprise mitigates any shock premium opponents might have, just like that encounter East of Lost Woods Shrine where a well-timed lag broke a premium charge into UTC ranks.

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DOMESTIC - INFINITY BOWS FINALLY HAVE USE

The MineZ Origins Update has finally given use to Infinity Bows for practical field use. Finally we can use the stockpiles of what we thought were absolutely fucking nothing garbage piece of shit ass pussy tits gay fuck ass.

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FINANCE - WORLD DOING ALRIGHT

I’m actually kind of scared for another shock, but it seems alright. We’re still in a bear though.

**ORDERS:**

1) NO TRADE RUN NEXT WEEK

2) RECONNAISSANCE MISSIONS IMPERATIVE

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^{THE [?] EMPIRE,THE COMPANY’S OFFICIAL NEWS SOURCE AND PROPAGANDA TOOL. AW YEAH}