- HEADLINES: PIGMEN ATTACK CLAIMS TWO LIVES
- EDITORIAL “They say Martin Septim is a Fruit”
- EDITORIAL “The Company is Gay and so is Irishkaiser”
- TRADE RUNS PREPARATIONS IN MOTION
- DOMESTIC INFINITY BOW STOCKS DEPLETED
- COMMUNITY: Stuff happened
- ENTERTAINMENT: NO WHOLEMILK TODAY. HERE HAVE SOME OF ALLEGORY OF MY CHILDHOOD AND HOW I FORM MY POLITICAL OPINIONS
CONTENTS : CTRL+F and type in the following if you just want to read a small part of the news.
STILLWATER, W.L. - Tragedy struck Aspermont today as two synchronized Pigmen attacks claimed the lives of Codepsilon and Irishkaiser.
^“It ^was ^just… ^SO ^SUDDEN..! ^They ^got ^Code ^and ^as ^I ^was ^picking ^up ^his ^stuff ^to ^store, ^another ^one ^struck ^me ^from ^behind!” ^I ^couldn’t ^even ^run!“ ^-Irishkaiser, ^terrorist ^victim
Victim Irishkaiser managed to recover quicker than Code and is now back on his feet awaiting Company welfare iron from a Totanforce aide program. Codepsilon is still at spawn, awaiting someone to pick him up to go back North.
^“Lawd ^bless ^da ^Companeh ^foh ^fwee ^iyun” ^-Irishkaiser, ^welfare ^queen
The directory promises to curb the pigmen threat with new safety regulations and better security. Company S.O.P. will be updated to deal with the pigmen threat at home and expects all members to follow the new procedures to the letter.
Irishkaiser - Lots of dogs in this post. Lots of BLACKS too.
Yorty - Who are you people, what are you doing in the [?] Clan and why the fuck are we using reddit? Why IS THE [?] CLAN ON REDDIT? Fuck you, Spy. Get off MineZ; it’s community whose elite is nothing but a brazen nation of cunts and selfish liars.
The Company is preparing for another trade run in the South this week whilst its mobilizing all available members to participate. A problem with the shipment of Infinity Bows however made it unavailable for the caravan to have it in stock and will compensate by providing two fully repaired iron armor pieces instead.
Chain armor, the flagship, product is still available and in perfect condition. 5 sets are expected to be sold for the price of 4 potions per sets.
Iron swords, both enchanted and unenchanted are also in stock and awaiting the caravan’s mobilization.
Company inventory is out of INF bows and any bows of the aforementioned type offered in mint condition will be compensated for in food or potions.
Yeah, so everyone’s being themselves, I guess. I mean, like… Come on. Can’t stop them from being themselves.
The Trench - Ending Scene(the REAL Irishkaiser dies) - So I knew this chick called Maria…
ORDERS FOR THE WEEK:
1) All available Company members must station themselves West for the scheduled Trade Run.
2) Someone fuckin' refill our infinity bow stocks.
^THE ^[?] ^EMPIRE, ^THE ^COMPANY’S ^OFFICIAL ^NEWS ^SOURCE ^AND ^PROPAGANDA ^TOOL. ^AW ^YEAH.