- HEADLINES: the_creaper SAVES THE DAY, BECOMES THE LEGENDARY TSUNDERE
- EDITORIAL “Wind of Change”
- TRADE US Trade Run
- TRADE US Trade Run
- DOMESTIC New Member Shawdow375
- DOMESTIC Vampyrs for Sale
- DOMESTIC 222nd Accepting Recruits.
- ORDERS: *
CONTENTS : CTRL+F and type in the following if you just want to read a small part of the news.
^HEADLINES
EDITORIAL
TRADE
DOMESTIC
COMMUNITY
ORDERS
Portsmouth, S.L. - All hope seemed lost as the fresh faced new recruits encountered their first premiums and were being anally ravaged because they sucked so bad that they literally became vacuums… But out of nowhere, lo and behold… The_Creaper came in to save the day and counter-attacked the premium menace killing them both and saving the items from falling into their hands. He was subsequently rewarded with a diamond sword for his efforts
First encountered in Grimdale where he exhibited signs of condescending superiority, independence and meanness and openly insulting us, Creaper eventually followed our caravan because to put it in his own words
“It’s… n… not l-like… I have anything better to do anyway…”
Creaper tailed the newly raised members who were green as fuark, constantly saying
“I… I WAS… J-JUST G-GONNA GO THERE ANYWAY, B-BAKA!!!”
Somewhere along Portsmouth Irishkaiser HAD A HEART ATTACK[Disconnected] and foamed at the mouth and shit. A premium stalker taking advantage of the situation quickly took advantage and attacked the vulnerable old nigger while the call host(also Irishkaiser) disconnected as well leaving the caravan fighting in the dark for 25 seconds which was enough of an advantage for them to defeat the fresh troops… It was reported that one of the premiums before they killed one member murmured “… FRESH…” before slaying him.
With all hope seeming to be lost, CREAPER appeared out of nowhere and made a monologue:
“HEY, ADMINFUCKERS… THOSE ARE MY BAKEROS YOU’RE KILLING… IF ANYBODY’S GONNA KILL THEM, IT’LL BE ME… SO GET READY…”
KIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~!“*
With the premiums defeated in time for a server reboot, the caravan managed to regroup and restart the call only to find to have lost most of their chain set. The fresh-faced pussies later redeemed their honor by gathering 4 full chain sets in one night. Creaper was awarded the Title of Legendary Tsundere and a diamond sword after to which he replied
“It’s… N… Not like… I W-WANTED TO, OK?”
Irishkaiser - There is a change in the social battlefield of Shotbow and it only seems to be in our favor… Or our reward after a long campaign against premium elitism. It is the shifting of more premiums active and on-guard against the tyranny of the other premium elites and taking upon themselves the effort to change the image of premiums not by hiding in their own private servers but for once going out of their way and taking every discrimination and hurt just to show them “Here, I am. I am not one of them, I am my own and I will earn your trust for myself and by extension for all premiums and I will pay for that trust with effort and actually PLAYING with you.”
These changes not only came from us but from them as well. While we challenged them to show the world with hard work for the trust - certain people too… From their threads about MineZ’s past looked back and even though they saw the fun, I’m sure a good number of them in their minds realized how much of a stupid ass motherfucker they were… Like really… You know that feel when you look at your post from two years ago and you want to punch yourself? Holy shit, MY MIRACULOUS ANUS MUST NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY…
Same happens to them and instead of shame, it’s more of guilt. The Guilt that it was THEY who was a troublesome band and the ulcer of Shotbow. The solution simply came with age - they realized what they were doing and instead decided to do the right thing this time… Mostly.
Course the changes are still limited but I see a better future for us and our kind. Some things and people are still the leftover warts of a dying age, people like Glitchy on the more administrative level, the ones they like to keep because apparently he’s the only one throwing compliments at them like there’s no tomorrow, disregarding his snobbish poise and letting him get away with it and people like RewriteEons on the more player level who just seriously could not stop trashtalking, motherfucker… Are you kidding me… Hopefully they and those like them both soon quit and or mature, so we can finally break with the ghosts of the past and have a brighter future.
These are the winds of change… Carrying away the withering leaves and planting new seeds. Seeds for the future… And hopefully we’ve impregnated Shotbow with our seed… UH-HEY… Badum tish.
I SERIOUSLY CANNOT STOP MAKING RAPE JOKES.
The directory reports that it delivered about:
4 Iron Swords
4 Chain Sets
1 Infinity Bows
1 Iron Pants
1 Diamond Sword
In value exchange for
30 Health Potions
4 Buttons
A repeated trade run in response to the attack by two premiums on the first caravan composed mostly of fresh and new recruits who were SLAUGHTERED… And only one senior member among them(Irishkaiser) who was killed while he was disconnected resulting in a communications breakdown. Fortunately, by stroke of luck Legendary Tsundere The_Creaper was in the area and saved the day, driving off the premiums and managed to help re-acquire our lost loot by killing them, which would’ve been an embarrassing defeat on our part. The attack sparked an investigation and reformation on to find a more redundant communication system where disconnection by officers provide a moment of extreme weakness in the caravan. Judging from the only videos about killing UTC where the only times those happened is when Irishkaiser disconnected mid-fight, an SOP(Standard Operating Procedure) must be adopted in order to counter such events.
The only thing that saved us was our network of friends in the South which I’m glad to say is still a viable asset to the Company that must be expanded as we expand.
The next day, a repeated trade run now with more senior members and the same recruits better trained and learning from their experiences of the last trade run was conducted and this time were once again attacked by two premiums who were better armed than before… But guess what, one of those same recruits who was humiliated before redeemed his honor and managed to score a kill himself against a speed-potting dubstep-loving, admin-licking, nigger-faggot premium. SLAVA MULZHINY SKIMSKAOGO.
Also another new recruit Shawdow357’s first trade run… But fuck him, right?
The directory reports that it delivered about:
1 Diamond Sword
In value exchange for
5 Slowness Potions
Slowness potions now valued at 2 potions per piece.
He believed the lies in our ad. He believed in all that “adventure” crap but little does he know all the faggot will get is extra work and DEATH.
It’s not like he’s gonna read this, right guys? XD
7 Surplus Vampyrs are placed for sale marked at 1 diamond sword(half dura is OK) or 2 infinity bows for one. Fuck my life, they’re eating inventory space.
Need to keep having more white babies if we want to preserve our people and a future for regular players.
1) Trade Run completed. SOP.
2) Infinity Bows must be replenished.
3) GET ME JESUS HELMET.
^THE ^[?] ^EMPIRE, ^THE ^COMPANY’S ^OFFICIAL ^NEWS ^SOURCE ^AND ^PROPAGANDA ^TOOL. ^AW ^YEAH